


The Captains' Lieutenants

by AKnightOfAGoodKing



Category: Bleach
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack Treated Seriously, Drinking & Talking, Drunken Confessions, Hurt/Comfort, Out of Character, Whump, shinji is a good friend, talking about sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-09-27 01:09:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20399191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AKnightOfAGoodKing/pseuds/AKnightOfAGoodKing
Summary: Shinji encounters the lovers of his fellow captains, and as the night grows older, he gets them all into trouble.Relates toMarigolds[DO NOT REPOST/REUSE MY WORK(S) WITHOUT MY ACKNOWLEDGEMENT AND PERMISSION]





	The Captains' Lieutenants

**Author's Note:**

> This was a lot of fun to write, but also took longer than I expected. It's hard to be funny, lol. Still, i really like this work. It's a lot longer than I expected!

Once in a while, Shinji doesn't mind going off and drinking all of his own. He has plenty of drinking buddies after his return to captaincy, but sometimes, he likes to wonder on his own and have a quiet cup or two at a popular shinigami bar before heading back and retiring for the night. 

However, this particular night is different as three lieutenants step up to greet him while he sits alone at the bar. 

"Evening, Captain Hirako," Kira Izuru says with a polite nod, Abarai Renji and Hisagi Shūhei doing the same. 

"Evening," Shinji replies back. "I'm surprise that Lieutenant Matsumoto isn't with you. Is she late?" 

"No, it's just the three of us tonight," Shūhei answers, looking awkward about something. 

"Why don't you join us, Captain?" Renji suggests with a smile. "Sake taste better with company."

The vizard hums, thinking about it for a moment, before he says, "That's not a bad idea, Abarai-kun. First round on me then."

His typical one to two cups turns into a full bottle as he watches the lieutenants drink everything like juice. With the blond's smooth attitude and carefully planned topics, they let loose quite easily, and their friendly and comfortable atmosphere is affecting even him. Shinji is not drunk but lightly buzzed, noticing when their conversation turns rowdier and less controlled. 

All in all, this night is starting out lucky. Shinji is a fan of gossip when it came to his friends and colleagues, and coincidentally, all three men are lovers of their captains, two of whom are his fellow Vizards. The blond is going to have a lot of fun, he just knows it.

"So," Shinji starts slowly with a smile, "being lieutenants must be hard, especially knowing your captains. You must get tired of them often."

"No way!" Renji replies, face flushed. "Captain Kuchiki is the best! A bit of a hard ass sometimes, but he's good to everyone."

"Captain Muguruma too," Shūhei jumps in, excited to talk about his superior. "He's such a man! He's the best." He blushes, batting his eyes a bit. 

"My captain is amazing too," Izuru adds, chuckling as he takes a sip. 

"They're so fortunate to have you as their lieutenants," Shinji concludes, "just like I am to have Hinamori." Then, he pauses, lowering his head and drawing his drinking company closer, and he says suggestively, "Do they make as good lovers as they do captains?" 

"I don't think that's appropriate to ask, Captain Hirako," the Third Division Lieutenant says, face serious, but suddenly, he smiles big, "but since we're all friends here, I guess it's alright to divulge into our sex lives. Isn't that right, Shūhei, Renji? That's the reason why were here tonight."

The redhead hesitates, scratching at his face. "I guess as long as Byakuya doesn't find out about it," he says, glancing over at the raven.

"I love sucking Kensei-san's dick," Shūhei says, taking a drink.

Shinji nearly spits out his, finding himself desperately trying not to laugh out loud. Who would've know that the Fifth Division Lieutenant was so straightforward? "O— Oh?" the vizard asks, unable to resist smiling even wider. 

"Yeah, it just feels really good in my mouth, and it feels even better when he praises me at the same time."

"You have a praise kink, huh?" Renji asks, laughing. "Man, you're such a puppy."

Shūhei glares at his friend. "Yeah, so what? What about you, Renji? Izuru?"

"Calm down. I think it's really hot when Byakuya pulls my hair while we're doing it. Maybe spank me a few time, or tie me up."

"Wall sex," Izuru says after, nodding. "Ōtoribashi-san picked me up once and held me. We went five times just in the position."

"_Five_," Shinji repeats, snickering. "Go on."

"That's impressive, Izuru," Renji compliments, gesturing for a refill of his cup. "Captain and I spent a whole day sixty-nining. I tasted him on the back of my tongue for a week afterwards. I've never been eaten out so much until then." 

"I sat on Kensei-san for a whole four hours without him pulling out," Shūhei adds, looking nostalgic as he bites his bottom lip. "_Everytime he moved._ He was so thick and heavy in me. Excuse me, it's getting a little warm in here." As he spoke, the raven shrugs off a shoulder of his shihakushō, exposing a part of his lean and muscular chest. 

Unknown to the drunk lieutenant, a few eyes are drawn to him by his movement, lingering as Shūhei spills a bit of his drink. The droplets glisten in the light, his chest rising and falling with every full breath. 

That's to be expected from one of the most boyishly handsome members of Seireitei out there. Shinji just hopes that everyone knows what's good for them and stick only to staring. 

"I'll drink to that," Renji says once his bottle was replaced, drinking yet another cup before undoing his hair tie and headband. Streams of red fall from beneath his shoulder blades down to his hips, a hand running through his scalp as he tilts his neck. 

Several more eyes are drawn to them, Renji's wild yet tamed hair loosen into something more tangible, inviting even. It is a side of him very few have the privilege to witness from a man who exudes sex appeal with just a smirk. If he takes off anything else, the Fourth Division may be called for an emergency! 

Shinji is temporarily pulled out of his thoughts when someone leans against his side, Izuru drowsily pulling himself away in embarrassment, face glowing pink. Up close, the captain can understand why people calls this lieutenant _pretty_ with his soft eyes and light fair skin. 

"My apologies, Captain Hirako," Izuru says, blinking. 

The captain simply smiles wider, patting his chest. "It's alright," he replies, "you can lean on me if you want, Kira-kun. We're all friends here, right?" 

The younger shinigami hesitates, but the prospect of comfort wins. "If you insist."

Izuru sits closer to Shinji on the bench seat until their sides are touching, and he carefully places his head against the captain's shoulder, humming contently when he settles. 

Shinji silently laughs at the look of envy on the faces of the other patrons, placing an arm around Izuru's waist. "Okay, okay, now tell me," he continues, picking up his cup with his free hand, and he takes a slow sip before eyeing other two lieutenants carefully. "Who has the biggest dick?" 

In an instant, and surprisingly, they come closer at both his sides, Renji from his left and Shūhei by Izuru, and all three lieutenants look at him intensely and speaks one name. 

_"Yumichika."_

_Achoo! _"Ugh, that is disgusting. Someone is talking about me."

"Focus on the mission! Hey, idiot over there! Get out of the way!" 

Shinji couldn't breath, he's going to throw up. _He's crying. _At this point, he doesn't even care that the entire bar had come closer, all gossip hungry, but they remain silent, not wanting to over step their boundaries. 

"Wh— I mean between your cap— _HOLY SHIT__!_" the vizard shouts, unable to finish his sentences between his laughter. "EXPLAIN."

"You mean you didn't know?" Renji asks incredulously, eyes wide. 

"So thick," Shūhei helps out, holding his hands out to measure a length, and he moans. "Like, _oof_."

"It haunts my dreams to this day," Izuru says, looking deprived. "If he hadn't been dating Ikkaku, I would've been on it so fast." 

_"Do they mean . . ."_

_"Fifth Seat Ayasegawa? Of the Eleventh Division?" _

Then, Izuru bursts into tears, eyes shining bright, and wraps his arms around Shinji. "Everyone is always wondering why I'm so gloomy!" he cries out into the captain's shoulder. He is a gentle weight, body fitting perfectly against the other. "It's because I need that dick!" 

Eyes grow wide at the revelation, and jaws drop, including Shinji. This might be getting out of hand. 

"Haven't you ever wondered why Ikkaku has ever had one man?" Renji asks slowly, resting his chin on Shinji's other shoulder, and he holds a finger to his mouth. There is a sheen of sake on his lips and dripping down his chin. From this angle, one can see more of his tattoos running down his firm chest. "I bet it's because once you go big, _you never go back_."

The redhead giggles, taking Shinji's hand and placing it on his head. He nuzzles against it, his hair soft and silky to the touch. Fingers make way, tangling through the thick locks like they belong there. 

Fearing for his dignity, the vizard turns his head, looking at Shūhei for a distraction. 

Little did the captain know that said lieutenant had slipped off his shihakushō off his other shoulder, exposing his lean, muscular torso. He's gleaming with sweat, his nipples hard and pink. 

_That's actually way more distracting. _

Shūhei, sensing Shinji's eyes in him, looks back, and he smiles something cute, flirty even.

"What about you, Captain Hirako?" he asks, voice husky, and getting in his hands and knees, the lieutenant climbs onto their table, knocking off bottles and cups as he crawls closer. His movement is like liquid, swaying his hips seductively. A drunk man should not have so much control over his bodily functions like this! 

There is a wolf whistle as everyone watches, waiting in anticipation when Shūhei is merely a few inches away from the captain in question. 

"Is there a reason why you decided to play with us tonight?" he asks, and then, he lets out a growl, sitting back at the end of the table and placing his feet on Shinji's lap almost suggestively. A bit of legs slip out between the slit of his shihakushō, lean and muscular as the rest of his body. 

_"Captain Hirako is so lucky. I would die to sit in his place."_

_"Do you think Abarai-san would let me touch his hair too?" _

_"I've only ever fantasized about holding Lieutenant Kira."_

_"Those legs. You can see the shape of his ankles. So sexy." _

Trapped by the three lewd lieutenants, Shinji finds himself fearing for the worst. He's in a really bad position. The only silver lining is that out of all the captain, he is one of the fastest, but he can only run for so long before the other three captains catch up to him. _This definitely is getting out of hand. _He needs a way out of this, but how? 

_"Do— Do you think we can offer to take them home?”_

There's an idea. 

"You," Shinji calls out, ignoring the playful feet on his lap. And the silky hair between his fingers. And the comfortable hold around his middle. Oh, this is really dangerous. "Call for their captains."

The bar is shocked into silence at being addressed, but the vizard is at the last of his patience, glaring at that one shinigami darkly. There is a red glow in his eyes. 

"_Now._"

The Captains of Divisions Three, Six, and Nine do not know why they were disturbed so late by shaky unseated shinigami, but none of them refused to come to a popular bar (currently closed) just outside Seireitei when they heard mentions of their respective lieutenants. All three came at once. 

"Kuchiki? Rose?" Kensei says when he sees his colleagues. "What are you doing here?" 

"I was told Izuru-kun needs me," Rose replies, arms crossed lazily.

Byakuya hums. "I was told the same for Renji," he adds, narrowing his eyes. "This better not be a joke of any kind."

"I'm with you. Just when I barely got back," Kensei says, rolling his eyes. "Let's go."

The three of them enter the bar, emptied save for familiar faces, and instantly, anger boils at their first sight. 

"Izuru-kun," Rose says, seeing the tear stains on his lieutenant's pretty face. The blond is pressed snuggly against another body, arms wrapped around all too familiarly. 

"Shūhei," Kensei says, seeing how much skin his lieutenant is showing off. The raven is putting himself on display, leaning too forward to someone who is not his lover. 

"Renji," Byakuya says, seeing someone else's hand touching his lieutenant's beautiful hair. The redhead is responding too eagerly to it, lips nearly touching back. 

_"__Hirako,__"_ all three captains seethe, seeing at the man sitting right in the middle, and simultaneously, they grip at their zanpaktō. 

Under the weight of the angered captains' anger, Shinji forces a smile. 

"Evening," the captain of the Fifth Division greets as if he isn't being targeted for revenge. "I am so glad to see you here. I couldn't leave your lovely lieutenants alone after seeing them drink their asses off. It'd be like leaving them to the wolves. But now that you're here, you can make sure they get to bed safely. Aren't I a good friend?" 

Byakuya glares, daring to call the vizard a liar. 

Shinji feels a cold sweat, forcing a laugh this time. "Isn't that right, Abarai-kun?" he asks, hoping for the best. "Kira-kun? Hisagi-kun? Pick yourselves up for your precious captains."

Renji reacts first, not yet noticing the newest members to their party, and he lets out a frustrated huff. "We're back to our captains again?" he asks, this time annoyed, and he moves onto his knees and wraps his arms around Shinji's head. "They're the damn reason we're here tonight!" 

"Some sake to quench our dry spells," Izuru says, looking ready to cry some more as he holds out yet another cup of sake. (_How are they__ refilling their drinks?_)

"Kensei-san is putting himself in all the away missions," Shūhei complains, Shinji's bottle of sake in one hand and his own cup full in the other. (_Oh._) "We used to fuck, like, every other night, but now, he's gone for half of them! He made me this way, I have needs, Captain Hirako!" 

"At least you know he's gonna fuck you when he gets back!" Renji argues, pressing his chest against Shinji's head. "Ever since we got caught in the office, Byakuya is all, 'We must practice modesty,' but he's practicing it too much! He's upset, so he's punishing the both of us! That's not fair! I don't even get to sleep over." 

Izuru chuckles bitterly. "You're not the one who feels like they're initiating every single intimate interaction," he says, tearing up again as he hugs Shinji tighter out. "It's been three weeks since I've done anything, but Ōtoribashi-san doesn't seem any different. Maybe he doesn't notice? Or perhaps he doesn't care? Or that he's just with me out of sympathy? Am I that pathetic, Captain Hirako?" 

And once again, the blond bursts into tears, pressing his face against Shinji's shoulder and creating a darker wet spot. _Oh, poor Kira-kun. _

"Captain Hirako, should I just quit being a shinigami and become a monk? Is that how I'll be able to protect my captain's reputation?" Renji asks as if he is actually considering it. _What a loyal lieutenant. _

"Would it be selfish if I told I'm lonely without him?" Shūhei asks, picking up his leg to sit in a feral position. He starts tracing nonsense onto the table's surface. "Maybe this is good for me."

_He's trying so hard._

"Captain Hirako?" the three woeful lieutenants say, desperate for answers, and Shinji shoots a look at his colleagues, who haven't said a thing since accusing him of wrong. 

Rose has on a guilty expression, while Kensei and Byakuya look uncomfortable. All three men are the pictures of shameful lovers, the cause of their beloved lieutenants' suffering. They are unable to look back. 

Honestly, after hearing of the lieutenants' plights, those three deserve it, but Shinji is glad he told the entire establishment to leave and that he has enough influence for the owner and employees to do so as well out of respect. It's going to be one big bill, this is a lesson. He has saved the Gotei Thirteen much embarrassment, and now, he's going to help out with mending relationship issues. 

Because he's a good friend.

"Come and clean up the mess you've made," Shinji orders knowingly without any bite. "Take them home and comfort them in the morning. The next time I hear about this, I'm taking them to Fifth Seat Ayasegawa."

At the mention of their friend, all three lieutenants perk up, their sorrow forgotten momentarily.

"Do you mean _Big Dick Yumichika_?" Renji asks with a laugh, and the other two join in. 

"_So big_," Shūhei emphasizes, holding out his hands to measure out another length? Did it just get bigger?

"Ikkaku's really good at hiding it," Izuru adds, smiling mischievously, "but you know he feels it for days." 

At that point, their lovers have had enough, finally stepping in, and each captain pulls their respective lieutenant away from Shinji, much to the blond's relief.

"Captain Ōtoribashi?" Izuru says in drunken disbelief, standing unsteady if not for the arms holding him by the waist. He clings onto his captain's haori reflexively, looking worried. "Why are you here? Is something the matter? Is everyone okay?" 

"Everyone else is fine," Rose replies gently. "We just need to talk about us, but we'll save it for the morning."

The younger shinigami pales, jumping into the wrong conclusion, and tears fall again. "Did— You heard what I said. So, it's true?" he asks, trying to be brave when he sounds nothing but. "You can tell me, I will understand." 

"No, no, you're wrong. We need to talk because _I_ owe you an apology."

Rose reaches up a hand to wipe away his lover's tears as he presses a kiss on top of Izuru's head. His lieutenant's expression calms a bit but still looking doubtful. 

"I promise you I'll explain everything in the morning," the captain assures. "Let me take you to bed, Izuru-kun?" 

The lieutenant hesitates, but still, he nods.

Shūhei barely registers an arm holding him off the ground by the ass, as if he was still a child. "Kensei-san," he greets with a smile because that's what he always does when he sees his captain, "you're back. I didn't expect you so soon. I've missed you."

Kensei grunts. "I know," he replies regretfully, which makes his lover frown in a slump. 

"I'm sorry. Did you come back early for me? You don't have to do that. I can wait, I don't mind."

"I know."

Shūhei burrows his eyebrows in confusion, but before he can ask for more, Kensei seals his lips with a kiss, gentle and affirming. The raven melts, threading his fingers through silver hair, and he reciprocates, letting out a groan. 

When they pull apart, he asks, "What's that for?" 

"Because I wanted to," Kensei replies, voice firm. 

"Byakuya?" Renji says, finding himself in the embarrassing position of the bridal carry. He blinks a few times to make sure he's not imagining things in his current state. "Pu— Please put me down."

He's taller than his captain, it must be awkward to hold him like this. Byakuya doesn't need to go out of his way to do this. Renji's okay enough to walk on his own. 

"When I take you back home," the noble replies, leaving no room for questions, but he is not finished. "I've been a fool. Never again, Renji, I swear."

Renji laughs uneasily. "I don't know what you mean," he says, his support still unwavering. "Did you go drinking tonight too, Captain?" 

"No, I did not, you don't have to pretend. My reputation is not worth the cost of my joy." 

"What does Rukia have to do with this?"

Byakuya huffs, half amused and half disappointed, but not at Renji. "She is my pride, Renji. _You_ are my joy."

The lieutenant stops, his mind trying desperately to find a response, but all he could say is, "Oh."

When they assured their lieutenants for the night, the captains of Divisions Three, Six, and Nine take their lovers away, leaving Shinji all on his own. _Thank goodness__. _

_And good luck. _

The next morning, after dealing with a small hangover, Shinji is back at his desk, working out the upcoming training schedule with Momo. They are getting through it quickly as usual, but even as unfocused as he is, the captain can tell his lieutenant is distracted. 

"Is something the matter, Momo?" he asks, caring greatly for the younger shinigami. 

Momo hesitates for a moment, but she nods. "I'm sorry, Shinji-san," she replies. "I was thinking of the rumors I've heard this morning. About you. And Yumichika-san." 

This _would_ happen after letting so many witnesses alive. "Well, spill it."

"Well, the ones about you, many people are questioning whether or not they should warn their captains of your . . . _seduction_. I believe it's because many of the squads like and respect their lieutenants greatly and don't want them to be stolen by you. Did something happen last night? Why would people think you're seducing anyone?" 

Shinji sighs, his hangover coming back like a baseball. "I happened to encounter Lieutenants Kira, Abarai, and Hisagi last night, and we drank together. They lacked control over their bodies and mouths."

Momo's mouth falls open for a moment before she quickly collects herself. "Then, the rumors about Yumichika-san makes sense now," she says carefully, shaking her head. "He is going to be so angry when he finds out." 

"So, you know about it?" Shinji asks, eyes wide. "About Big D—"

"_Yes_," Momo cuts in. 

"Is it . . . Is it true?" 

The woman simply sighs, one part exasperated and a thousand parts _not_ telling. 

**Author's Note:**

> _ **GUYS, BIG DICK YUMICHIKA** _
> 
> Honestly, this work became half crack, half hurt/comfort. I really love ByaRen, but I also really like KenShū and RōjūIzu. Thankfully, I didn't have much trouble writing these characters, except maybe for Shinji. I hope you enjoyed this, I did. ^^ 
> 
> If you like my work(s), please check out [my Twitter](https://twitter.com/kappachyun?s=09).


End file.
